Learning to be ok

In the hospital, I felt I was pressured a lot by the nursing staff to breastfeed even though it really wasn't what I wanted to do. But exclusive pumping isn't very easy before your milk comes in. So I tried it, I breastfed. It worked out ok but not really. Logan was always hungry and we were told to supplement because he wasn't peeing. Also, breastfeeding didn't come natural to us. It was hard to get him to latch and most of the time it was only on one side. Also I wasn't producing enough for him to be satisfied. It made things very stressful for me, which effected my production. So when we got home and after he first pediatrician appointment when we found out he was losing a lot of weight, I switched to pumping and supplementing with formula. But I still felt that I should be breastfeeding. I don't like quiting something once I've started and I felt like I was quiting, giving up on breastfeeding. I guess it just didn't sit well with me. A couple of times I breastfed Logan at night because it seemed easier than getting a bottle. Then one day I decided I would breastfeed all day and not worry about pumping. That led to a very stressful day. Logan was never satisfied and he only took two naps the whole day and one was cause we were in the car. Being fully upset, I called my mom who talked me off the ledge. Everything was ok and with all that happened to me post delivery, breastfeeding probably was just not going to work out for me. And that it's ok to pump and supplement, that Logan would still grow up well and what I'm doing is right for us. I need to realize that tings are ok, no life didn't turn out the way I planned and that's ok. I don't need to be a slave to the breast. And yes maybe calling the lactation consultant would help things out with figuring out what's right for us. But I need to figure out what's best for us, not for everybody else and be ok with it.