Friday, June 26, 2015

Turns out everything isn't ok

So I talked about baby blues. They say if they don't go away after 2 weeks everything is not ok.

About 10 to 15% of new moms have some sort of postpartum depression, anxeity, or OCD. I am one of those 10 to 15%.

It started about two weeks ago. I was having a lot of anxiety with being alone with Logan. I felt like I didn't know what to do, how I would calm him when he was crying, what to do all day with him. I didn't want to go out with Logan because of what could happen. What if he started crying in the middle of the store and I couldn't calm him down. What if he made a mess in his car seat. What if he gets upset while im driving and i cant comfort him. What if, heaven forbid, something worse happened. Mornings brought anxiety attacks because Fred was leaving and I would be by myself again. I was lonely but I didn't want to go anywhere. Nighttime brought thoughts and fears for the night. What if we can't get him asleep, what if he doesn't stay asleep, am I going to get any sleep. What time will he wake up wanting food. What if something happened during the night while I am asleep.

After one particular hard night, we made an appointment to see the pediatrician because Logan had diarrhea and hadn't slept all night. During his check, the doctor was talking to me and expressed concern that I might have postpartum anxiety and I should talk to my obgyn. I called my mom and told her what I was told. She agreed. She said you just don't seem like yourself, you aren't the same person you were before. I talked to Fred. He told me he was worried about me. I wasn't laughing and cracking jokes like I use to. I was the happy person I was before I gave birth and he was worried about me.

So I made an appointment and went and talked to her. I told her about my fears and my anxiety. She said what I was feeling was definitely having trouble. She told me to find some counseling and put me on some meds.

Things are hard but I'm working through it. I might spend most of my days on the couch but I'm hold Logan and taking care of him. I still have panic attacks but I'm breathing through them. It will take some time but I will get through this.


  1. Everything will be alright. I'm here if you need me. We'll be in touch.

    I think you have my phone number somewhere....

  2. You are truly not alone. I too went through what you are experiencing now. I am glad that you sought out help. I didn't and I struggled. Talk to others. That is important. I am here should you want to compare notes...You are an awesome Mom. Your son knows that every time you hold him. He will grow strong and healthy just because you care so much.